To be certain, I’m not an attorney nor have I ever played one on TV so what I offer here is certainly not legal advice. However, as a person who has been divorced twice and comes into contact with family law professionals quite frequently as a professionally trained, certified and transactionally experienced Real Estate Divorce Specialist, I feel confident in writing on the subject.
Additionally, I am certainly not advocating for divorce, but rather showing the options available should you decide you’ve hit that preverbal end of the line with your marriage. Again, I’ve hit that point twice in my life so here are your options on how to begin the divorcing process.
Option #1: Go it Alone: Folks, if you have no children, no shared debt like mortgages or credit cards and the only thing your marriage consists of is cohabitating in a rental, then maybe – just maybe, this could work for you. There are plenty of fly by night deals for uncontested divorces online. Google it.
Why You Shouldn’t Go It Alone: With my second divorce, the example I just shared was my exact case and we only cohabited as a married couple for 8 months and yet, I still hired an attorney. Why? Because I knew nothing about divorcing in the state of Florida, there were legal documents that had to be both created and reviewed and when I walked away from the marriage, I wanted to be 100% certain it was over without worrying about any skeletons coming to haunt me later!
Plus, it takes two to tango and if the other person is avoiding the divorce, hire an attorney!
Conclusion: My advice here is simple; never go it alone as this definitely falls under the banner of Caveat Emptor!
Option #2: Hire a Mediator: Again, the simpler the circumstances, as with my second divorce, there is certainly an opportunity to use a mediator successfully to help you both divorce. Especially if that mediator is well versed in divorce or family law and the divorce is not adversarial.
If you both decide to use a mediator, many divorce and family law professionals advise you to still hire your own individual attorney to review any and all documents pertaining to the divorce; especially before signing the final divorce settlement agreement.
Conclusion: I have helped many couples liquidate marital property who only used a single mediator without hiring another attorney to review any paperwork such as the divorce settlement agreement and the result was successful.
Option #3: Hire a Collaborative Divorce Professional: If you read my first book, “For Sale By Divorce: The Experts Guide to Divorce and Property Division” you’d know I unequivocally advocate for the Collaborative Law Process when divorcing.
Just like hiring a mediator, a Collaborative Divorce Attorney helps divorcing couples work out a divorce settlement while trying their best to avoid going to court.
Why it matters: Collaborative divorce attempts amicable resolution of all issues while minimizing the stress and anxiety of divorce. Simply put; collaborative divorce takes what I consider to be the ultimate non-adversarial approach to the divorce process which can spare you both time, money and a lot of heartache; especially where children are involved.
Conclusion: For my money, Collaborative Divorce is the mother of all alternative dispute resolution. I mean, you are both, in fact, looking to resolve your disputes about all things related to your marriage in an alternative way other than a duel to the death! Which brings us to the last option when divorcing.
Option #4: Litigated Divorce: Even though I am a HUGE advocate for hiring a collaborative law professional as it pertains to divorce, the fact is it takes two people looking to get divorced in the first place and whom desire to do it in a way that seeks resolution while minimizing taking adversarial positions.
However, if you’re in an abusive household, wether mentally, physically or if there is alcohol or drug dependency involved, the other person may not want to divorce and therefore offer little or no help with the process.
In this type of situation you have no choice but to hire a family law professional who can best help you while protecting your best interests, especially if there are children involved.
Why it matters: As you can imagine, this situation is one chock full of tension and high anxiety where the two sides are adversarial from the very beginning. Having written that, I believe attorneys hold a lot of sway with the tone of the divorce, regardless of the situation.
Even in the event of litigated divorce, the attorneys could resolve to find a reasonable settlement with the other party instead of leaving it in the hands of a judge when at all possible.
Conclusion: Letting a divorce get to court really forces the attorneys hands, regardless of the mindset they work with. Why? Because in court, someone is going to be declared a winner and the attorney’s will be looking to get the best possible outcome for their client…period!
As I say in my second book, “Selling Your Home During Divorce: How Everyone Can Win” its tough to declare anyone a winner when it comes to divorce because regardless of how you got to that point, there has been emotional and psychological trauma along the way and probably will for a long time. Especially where children are involved.
Hiring the right competent and professional family law professional to help you begin the process of divorcing is no different from hiring the right competent real estate professional to buy or sell your home with. It takes due diligence and effort on your part to get it right but well worth it!
Why it matters: Hiring the wrong family law professional simply because you’ve heard they’re the most aggressive could mean the difference between ending the marriage with civility and dignity because there was, in fact, a road to an amicable resolution that could have been explored and instead – you’re both in a long drawn out battle that leaves mental scars which could take years, if not a lifetime to recover from. Again, especially where kids are involved.
In Closing: If you ever find yourself at the point where you’ve reached the end of your relationship as you knew it and now you are seriously contemplating a divorce and need some direction. please feel free to click on the Schedule a Call button up above and I’ll be glad to provide you with a list of at least 3 competent, professional and empathetic family law professionals whom I personally know, have worked with and are resolution oriented who will give you a free – no obligations consult on how to best move forward.
Good Luck!
About the Author
Lou Rodriguez is a professionally trained and transactionally experienced Real Estate Divorce Specialist (REDS) who has participated in over 700 plus real estate closing transactions since 2001.
In 2014 he wrote the definitive book about divorce and property division titled “For Sale By Divorce: The Experts Guide to Divorce and Property Division” which covered the technical aspects of divorce law, the options couples had as it pertained to marital property and the importance of each.
Lou is a huge advocate of the collaborative law process in divorce and is a member of the Collaborative Family Law Institute (CFLI) as well as the National Association of Divorce Professionals, Coral Springs-Parkland Chapter (NADP).
Lou believes through his experiences in helping divorcing clients liquidate marital property that if handled correctly, all parties truly can win which is the topic of his new book, “Selling Your Home During Divorce: How Everyone can win”
If you’re a family law professional or going through a divorce and want a free copy of my new book, request it by clicking here or clicking on the menu tab above titled DIVORCE SPECIALIST.
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